Science Cynic Pillows

"Good news-I hear the paradigm is shifting."

Schrodinger's cow

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

The Forever Stamp

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Will Self deprecation

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

Unsocial Networking.

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'