Academic Cynic Pillows

"Your sat scores were low, but the good news is your credit score is over 800."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

The Forever Stamp

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Will Self deprecation

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!