Internet Cynic Pillows

We value your privacy. . . . . yeah, right.

Colonel Gaddafi has been reported to be attempting to transfer billions of pounds worth of assets from Libya

"Of course your data isn't really in a cloud. That's almost as silly as thinking your money is actually in this bank."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Will Self deprecation

Unsocial Networking.

Social media and privacy

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Obama builds own gallows.

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

'That's it?'

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

The first accurate poll.

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.