Medical Cynic Pillows

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

The Forever Stamp

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'Well we could operate. That would give you something to talk about. But that would get old quick, and them you'd be even more boring.' Why the dull rarely seek help.

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

Unsocial Networking.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"