Therapy Cynic Pillows

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Nihilistic customer service"

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

The Forever Stamp

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Famous Oxymorons...

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Will Self deprecation

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'That's it?'