Trust Cynic Pillows

'Well, so much for marriage on the honor system.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

Always Compatible

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

The Forever Stamp

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

'Yeah, I think we have a future together. Would I write you a post-dated check for my half of the dinner if I didn't?'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."