Testing Cynic Pillows

Teachers hampered by testing.

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Someday

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Famous Oxymorons...

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Gullibility Test $1.00.

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

Sadie, I don't want you to stay in this relationship just because it's convenient. I think the counselor would agree. Counseling $10. Wow. Of course. Counselors never tell you what they think. I think we're overpaying.

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Obama builds own gallows.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Huh! Nobody home!'

Born Cynical,,,,

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

*2020

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."