Survey Cynic Pillows

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Nihilistic customer service"

The Forever Stamp

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

Someday

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Gullibility Test $1.00.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Huh! Nobody home!'

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

The first accurate poll.

*2020

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"