Survey Critic Pillows

Post-Life Survey

"We're doing a survey on the biggest issues in family life..."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

First and last day as census taker...

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

Surveying.

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

"I've torn up the questionnaire but am using the lovely pen you sent me"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Focus Group: "Better or worse? How about now? Better or worse?"

Suggestions Box

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'