Survey Junkie Pillows

'Looks like the 'don't-knows' have got in.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

'We have a positive ID on the spacecraft, Mr. Ferguson. Now, if you can identify the one who abducted you, we won't keep you any longer!'

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"Shall I put that down as a 'Don't Know' then?"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

Surveying.

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

This survey will only take five minutes and will help me improve future floods.

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

"I've torn up the questionnaire but am using the lovely pen you sent me"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

'Believe me, they never know they're being tailed. We use a drone.'

Focus Group: "Better or worse? How about now? Better or worse?"

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

'Government performance targets reach unprecedented levels.'

Mori, Ipsos, Gallup, just nosey