Research Junkie Pillows

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

National Everything Awareness Day

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

'I'm designing a robot that'll do my drafting homework for me,'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Siri, find oxygen."

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

'Maybe we have the wrong subject for this brain mapping project.'

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

The end is near

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'The next big thing is ultra nano.'

'I love to see you all so busy!'

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

"So, gentlemen.... By investing in this time vortex manipulator, we will be able to cross the bridges before we come to them."

Internet Cafe

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

"These kids and their shellfies..."

"This is genius, Ted. We can't use it. Nobody will believe I thought of it."

"It's the new self-driving model."

"My self-driving car is wintering in Florida."

"Actually, I worked my way up from ideas and you can too!"

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."