Internet Junkie Pillows

'Kids, let's pause and give thanks to that higher power that keeps this family together...our internet service provider.'

"We don't communicate any more..."

'Well, it is just my opinion, but it's backed by the best rumor and speculation the internet can provide.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

Which useless activity are you doing on your electronic pacifier right now? My what? Your electronic pacifier. Your soother. Your binky. My iPhone is not a "binky". It's an indispensable tool, essential to keeping the busy, modern life running like a well-oiled machine. You can't stand to experience a single moment devoid of activity. Solitude makes you agitated, lonely, bored or insecure. Anytime you feel bad, you reach for your phone. It's your binky. My Twitter followers agree with me that yo

I just sneezed. Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Big whoop. I'm not telling you, old bag. I'm typing my activities into a message. Then I hit send and all the followers in the network are updated. I'm being glowered at. I'm about to strike dork. Tap tap ta tap tap tap tap tap.

Hear the stunning reviews for Boneyard Death Killers. It's one of the greatest movies in a generation. That's according to movieblogreview.com. What's that place? Boneyard chills, thrills and packs an emotional wallop says flickreviewblogspot. It's Friday the 13th meets Caddyshack meets Streetcar Named Desire, according to joereviewsmovies.com. Awesome dlite gr8 dialog 2 says movietwittergal. I loved this film! Reports I-get-free-stuff-from-studios-reviewer.com.

"Offering free Wi-Fi was genius."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

Man and mobile

"It's a new phenomenon. When computers go down for an extended period of time, people start to devolve."

Internet Cafe

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

Trial by Media

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Trump pardons

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

"Who's got the hammer?"

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"