Script Cynic Pillows

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

The Forever Stamp

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

Obama builds own gallows.

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

The first accurate poll.

'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'

Born Cynical,,,,

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."