Theatre Cynic Pillows

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

Sucking Up to Gen X

"I didn't like the stamp, I didn't like the opera, and I don't like the movie."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

Old Rope

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

Mail & Political lies.

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

The Sequel is Coming

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

National Sarcasm Awareness: 'Thanks! Like that's really going to help.'

'Don't tell me about the basic goodness of children - as soon as there were two, Cain killed Abel!'

Spaced-based Weapons We Need Today

"I graduated from film school,but you don't see me trying to make movies!"

'A penny for your thoughts, Bernie... of course I'll have to pay you later.'