Entertainment Cynic Pillows

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'There's a load of rubbish on the T.V. again.'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"I didn't like the stamp, I didn't like the opera, and I don't like the movie."

Old Rope

'It's like home from home, really-rubbish telly, lousy grub..'

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Mail & Political lies.

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

'The movie doesn't scare me - the commercials do.'

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

The Sequel is Coming

'Don't tell me about the basic goodness of children - as soon as there were two, Cain killed Abel!'

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

"I graduated from film school,but you don't see me trying to make movies!"

'I like to keep up-to-date with the movies I'll be hating next year.'

"It's not fair. I'm a celebrity. Half the stuff written about me isn't even true."

Spaced-based Weapons We Need Today

'Ha! I can see right through that!'