Entertainment Cynic Pillows

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'There's a load of rubbish on the T.V. again.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"I didn't like the stamp, I didn't like the opera, and I don't like the movie."

Sucking Up to Gen X

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

Old Rope

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

'It's like home from home, really-rubbish telly, lousy grub..'

"So much for the news, now for the corrections."

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Mail & Political lies.

The Sequel is Coming

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

'The movie doesn't scare me - the commercials do.'

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

'Don't tell me about the basic goodness of children - as soon as there were two, Cain killed Abel!'

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

You've got to get on board with celebrity endorsements. People love your voice. They trust it. Bite me. Okay, then we'll find someone else to dupe your pathetic audience, sell them stuff they don't need and make them feel deep regret. Hold on. You never mentioned the spiritual benefits. I didn't want to play this card. To think of the shame I could inflict.

Such a Coincidence

Spaced-based Weapons We Need Today

'I like to keep up-to-date with the movies I'll be hating next year.'

"I graduated from film school,but you don't see me trying to make movies!"