Environmental Cynic Gifts

'I fail to note the significance of rising sea levels here on the 39th floor.'

'This'll take a little longer but think of it as your contribution to saving the environment.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'The company's in great shape financially. Hey, a bent but still usable staple!'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

The unforgiving tree

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

'Don't worry about doing the right thing. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're fired,retired,or reincarnated.'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"'I've been promoted from 'peon' to 'nameless cog'.'"

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'