Tee-time Jokesters Pillows

Big bird atop 18th hole flag on golf course.

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Raised by Dogs

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Santa Elevator

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! I hear you told people in England you're royalty. Yeah, at first they didn't realize that I was only Joe King. I was an error to the throne who rained for forty days and forty knights. It's disappointing though that I never got to see a pig riding contest at Bucking Ham palace. And I never met Sherlock Holmes. He's the guy who followed the foot prince!

'Pull over, it's a text-message from the baby, she needs to be changed!'

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

We can identify the genetic root of many problems... however your husbands being a long strak of water isn't one of them!

He wants to know where he came from.

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

Lost My Ability To Ruin Picnics. Please Help.

"Don't forget...there are no guarantees, no returns, and no compensation!"

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

A Please Wipe Your Feet mat with words mixed up at the Dyslexic clinic.

"She never obeys me. Maybe her voice command is turned off."

"What do you mean you forgot where you buried dad?!"

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"

"Remember son, there's no problem so big that it can't be run away from."

"Enjoying a sudden decrease in vision and hearing, are we, Horndog? Well, guess who's enjoying a headache!"

'When you got me, did you have to pay shipping and handling?'

'Don't play the fool with me, Son.'

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."