Time Jokester Pillows

Skeleton on an out of order escalator.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"I'm very highly strung!"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

First Speeding Fine.

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

It's a Four Seasons sleeping bag.

'Oh darn........I forgot The Alamo!'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

Serpent Instrument player

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'We got Ethan this accordion to make some extra money. People pay him not to play it.'

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"

"An olive or a twist?"