Time-travel Jokester Pillows

Look, Oog just invented voter fraud.

Airport Security.

Physician tending a mummy.

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"Really! A firecracker! Test his nerves! Where do you come up with these stupid ideas?"

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

"Richelieu, Voltaire, Napoleon...no wonder you know so much about these people. I'm sure you met them personally!"

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

First Speeding Fine.

Why he always make pictures of him food?

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

"Believe me, nobody's going to care you had facial hair a hundred million years from today."

'Oh darn........I forgot The Alamo!'

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

Lav-Mummie

'Have you done any stand-up?'

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

'Uncle Oog isn't very smart, but he's a lot of fun to play horsie with.'

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"

"Daddy likes to be really... really early for flights."

Pamplona bull instructions - Running with the Idiots.

Caveman Dictionaries

'Hunting, gathering.... It's so hard to prioritize!'

'Me invent the wheel!'

"Did you leave your bag unattended or trade your cow for magic beans?"

'I like my history teacher. He's kind of old and I think he lived through much of the history he's teaching.'