Tee-time Comedian Pillows

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Optimist

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

COWMIKAZES

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"Mind if I read a little?"

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

'Hello, my name is Death'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

"Who you calling a candya**?"

This company has enough clowns.

Clown Cowboy:'DRAW!'

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"

The jungle grill!