Tee-time Humorist Pillows

A DIY disaster.

COWMIKAZES

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

"Can I play with your ball, Mister, if you're not using it?"

'It's nothing personal, Donald; I just need more space.'

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

'My ball would be on the green if you hadn't been in the way!'

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Boxer with glasses.

"Well Mr. Bisley, your test results are off the scale. . !"

'Plus I found this great set of porridge bowls!'

"I'm guessing this is the first time Jack's had a chance to make par?"

"Dear God, noooooo oooo!" "The Oreo tragedy"

'You're sitting in her chair,vicar!'

Prehistoric Pizza Delivery

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

Eighties Throwback.

"I'm not into health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get."

"Some times you just got to know when to shut your blow hole."

"But neighbor Schultz get ten." "Our toon get two likes." "Good grief."

'Another good thing about the empty nest, no more middle of the night surprises.'

A doctor falling asleep at a patients bed.

'Do me a favour-stop saying 'Good night,don't let the bed bugs bite'!'