Tea Time Humorist Pillows

"Some times you just got to know when to shut your blow hole."

'You're sitting in her chair,vicar!'

'I'd give anything to know where Harry hides his poker winnings!'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

COWMIKAZES

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"Did I say Henny Youngmen? I meant to say Sergei Prokofiev."

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

Dunking biscuits in the bosses tea.

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

Steak Lovers.

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

'Don't worry! They're vegetarian!'

'The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on.'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Plus I found this great set of porridge bowls!'

"Dear God, noooooo oooo!" "The Oreo tragedy"

Today's highs will be around 65. Today's lows will be getting out of bed and the morning commute.

"Will you join me in a cup of coffee?"

Todd realises his ability to levitate tea bag string will never translate into hard cash.

"We've changed 'Happy Hour' to 'An Interlude for Reflection'."

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

"Oh, come on—it's 8 a.m. somewhere."

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