Tea Time Humorist Pillows

"Some times you just got to know when to shut your blow hole."

'You're sitting in her chair,vicar!'

'I'd give anything to know where Harry hides his poker winnings!'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

COWMIKAZES

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

Dunking biscuits in the bosses tea.

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

Steak Lovers.

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

'Don't worry! They're vegetarian!'

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

'The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on.'

'Plus I found this great set of porridge bowls!'

"Will you join me in a cup of coffee?"

"Dear God, noooooo oooo!" "The Oreo tragedy"

Todd realises his ability to levitate tea bag string will never translate into hard cash.

"We've changed 'Happy Hour' to 'An Interlude for Reflection'."

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

"Oh, come on—it's 8 a.m. somewhere."

Are you a Questionnaire Addict?

"I'm not into health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get."

"Sorry, happy hour finished at 8:30."

'Another good thing about the empty nest, no more middle of the night surprises.'