Tee-time Comedian Gifts

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

COWMIKAZES

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

"Mind if I read a little?"

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'Hello, my name is Death'

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

"Who you calling a candya**?"

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

This company has enough clowns.

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"

Clown Cowboy:'DRAW!'

"Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have nibbled those mushrooms."

The jungle grill!