Sleepytime Jokesters Pillows

'I'm going to hibernate in another cave. Last year your snoring kept me up all winter.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Hypnotoon

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Birds steal sleeping girl's shoelaces.

The downside of the cupcake bed.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'It's the most amazing case of rapid eye movement I've ever seen.'

Teddy sweeping up zzz

'It's your turn, dear.'

Lost My Ability To Ruin Picnics. Please Help.

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"Wanna trade an Easter ham salad for an Easter egg salad?"

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

Santa Claus

Cat with mice on his bedpost.

Things my cat says at 3 am

"But it's 3 o'clock in the morning. Okay, one word ... rhymes with liar."

'Those flashers make no sense to me. The less they have, the more they want to show it.'

"It's cuz you're fat."

Please tell me you were sleepswimming again.

Your fingers' worst nightmares

'Honey, have you seen my suit?'

"Hi! I'm on the bus."

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking.'