Sleep-deprived Jokesters Pillows

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Hypnotoon

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Birds steal sleeping girl's shoelaces.

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Today is my second birthday and I wanted to let you know that I intend to take full advantage of my terrible twos!"

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

'It's your turn, dear.'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

Everything was fine until Becky's little sister decided to skip double.

Night Deposit.

Things my cat says at 3 am

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

'I've got to do something about my insomnia. I didn't sleep a wink at work today.'

'Mom, did you know that if you turn the clock upside down, '4:45' spells 'Shh?''

"I can't remember how to fall asleep. What do you have for insomnesia?"

'I told you not to drink coffee before hibernating!'

'I'm going to hibernate in another cave. Last year your snoring kept me up all winter.'

"How long before we can tell him we're exhausted?"

"A child is like coffee. It's easy to make, but then won't let you sleep."

'Yes, I do feel safer, but the key sure is a hassle to carry around.'

Guys, I still can't sleep. I can't stop worrying. The caf

'Honey, can you put the cat out...!'

You show me yours and I'll show you mine.