Sleep Deprivation Humorist Pillows

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

The downside of the cupcake bed.

"Today is my second birthday and I wanted to let you know that I intend to take full advantage of my terrible twos!"

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

'Wake up! You're kissing the sheet again...'

'It's your turn, dear.'

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

Overnight Programming

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

“Is the light bothering you, dear?”

'Give me one of your lectures, Dad - I can't sleep!'

"How's the insomnia?"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

"Decaf... I distinctly ordered DECAF."

"Don't be alarmed, I couldn't sleep: I'm just here to count you. . ."

Counting sheep hurdling.

Wide eyed owl drinking coffee.

Things my cat says at 3 am

"After tonight you're going to need a prescription."

'I've got to do something about my insomnia. I didn't sleep a wink at work today.'

"Crawford's hard at work, I see!"

'Mom, did you know that if you turn the clock upside down, '4:45' spells 'Shh?''

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

Please tell me you were sleepswimming again.

Your fingers' worst nightmares

"I had a bad dream that you were getting rest."

"That was one loud thunderstorm last night."

Rip Van Winkle shouldn't have switched to that new gourmet ultra-decaffeinated coffee.

"I can't remember how to fall asleep. What do you have for insomnesia?"

'I told you not to drink coffee before hibernating!'

"A child is like coffee. It's easy to make, but then won't let you sleep."