Sleep-deprivation Humor Aficionado Pillows

"A child is like coffee. It's easy to make, but then won't let you sleep."

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

"I'm taking you off sleeping pills and putting you on Proust."

The downside of the cupcake bed.

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Today is my second birthday and I wanted to let you know that I intend to take full advantage of my terrible twos!"

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

'Wake up! You're kissing the sheet again...'

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

'It's your turn, dear.'

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

'Mom, did you know that if you turn the clock upside down, '4:45' spells 'Shh?''

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"Crawford's hard at work, I see!"

Your fingers' worst nightmares

Please tell me you were sleepswimming again.

'I've got to do something about my insomnia. I didn't sleep a wink at work today.'

Things my cat says at 3 am

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

I can't sleep, tell me about your day.

'I told you not to drink coffee before hibernating!'

"I can't remember how to fall asleep. What do you have for insomnesia?"

"How long before we can tell him we're exhausted?"

'Marmaduke, wake up! You're barking in your sleep again!'

"Your snoring is really getting out of control."

Wireless Plans. Cellphone. No, "rollover minutes" has nothing to do with hitting the snooze alarm and going back to sleep.

"They were great snorers."

Bee with a bad snoring habit.