Sleep-deprived Humor Lover Pillows

'Mom, did you know that if you turn the clock upside down, '4:45' spells 'Shh?''

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

'It's your turn, dear.'

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

"Just a reminder, … I'll be billing all seven personalities together."

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

'It happens every night - just as you're trying to get some sleep,he starts fluttering about'.

'Oh Jerry! Like in that old song, you really caught a falling star for me! This is sooo romantic!'

'And don't bother your father. He tossed and turned all winter.'

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

Your fingers' worst nightmares

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

Things my cat says at 3 am

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

More Hamptons

I can't sleep, tell me about your day.

'I told you not to drink coffee before hibernating!'

"Your snoring is really getting out of control."

"A child is like coffee. It's easy to make, but then won't let you sleep."

"I can't remember how to fall asleep. What do you have for insomnesia?"

'Marmaduke, wake up! You're barking in your sleep again!'

"How long before we can tell him we're exhausted?"

'...Now the other leg.'

"You can outsource homework, but outsourcing a test would be very tricky."

"I used to ooze sexuality, but it turned out to just be Chlamydia."

"Hi! I'm the Bluebird of Happiness. Can I get your ex-wife's new address?"