Sleepless Humorist Pillows

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

The downside of the cupcake bed.

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

Wide-awake.

'I told you not to yawn near the toaster.'

'It's your turn, dear.'

'How can you sleep at night?'

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

'I hate to admit it, but I counted sheep all night.'

'You have the right to remain silent...'

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

A severe case of getting up on the wrong side of bed...

'You say you lost your last three jobs because of oversleeping?'

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

Things my cat says at 3 am

'I'm writing an insomniacs guide to beating the IRS.'

'I've got to do something about my insomnia. I didn't sleep a wink at work today.'

Your fingers' worst nightmares

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

'Mom, did you know that if you turn the clock upside down, '4:45' spells 'Shh?''

Atlas Sleeps on the Job.

I can't sleep, tell me about your day.

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking.'

Non-drug therapy for insomnia apply as needed.

"I can't remember how to fall asleep. What do you have for insomnesia?"

"Your snoring is really getting out of control."

"I don't know why sawing logs refers to snoring...."

"A child is like coffee. It's easy to make, but then won't let you sleep."