Sleep-deprived Comedians Pillows

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

Hypnotoon

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Is there room for me?"

'It's your turn, dear.'

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

'My name's Jeffrey. Will you be my Valentine?'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

Toddler in the bed: a journey

Sleep!

'I've got to do something about my insomnia. I didn't sleep a wink at work today.'

'It's great that you can laugh at yourself, but can you not do it in the middle of the night?'

Things my cat says at 3 am

"Been here long?"

'Mom, did you know that if you turn the clock upside down, '4:45' spells 'Shh?''

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

"A child is like coffee. It's easy to make, but then won't let you sleep."

"How long before we can tell him we're exhausted?"

'I'm going to hibernate in another cave. Last year your snoring kept me up all winter.'

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking.'

'I told you not to drink coffee before hibernating!'

"I can't remember how to fall asleep. What do you have for insomnesia?"

'Not tonight, dear - we're married.'

'... Same old excuse; 'Not tonight dear, I have a splitting headache.' Isn't it strange how I never get a headache?!'