Bedtime Jokester Pillows

A dog sneaks into the bed of his owner in the middle of the night.

Cat with mice on his bedpost.

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"But it's 3 o'clock in the morning. Okay, one word ... rhymes with liar."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"No. You turn over."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

Man has a dream about a clumsy sheep.

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

Birds steal sleeping girl's shoelaces.

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"I slept funny!"

Menage a Paws.

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

"This is the story of the Three Liitle Pigskins and the Big Bad Wolf!"

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Brrr...for the last time! Keep your cold feet on your side of the bed!

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

'This message contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, unintended recipients may not use, copy or disclose any portion of this transmission.'

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

"They always know when it's time to make the bed."

Memory-foam pillows...

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"