Bedtime Chuckler Pillows

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

Bed Seasons

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'I'll take him.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"No. You turn over."

"The subwoofers really help."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"On your left."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

Menage a Paws.

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

"I slept funny!"

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

For those difficult bedtimes Sheryl relied on the bedtime reel.

Brrr...for the last time! Keep your cold feet on your side of the bed!