Bedtime Chuckler Pillows

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

'I'll take him.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"No. You turn over."

"The subwoofers really help."

"On your left."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

Menage a Paws.

"I slept funny!"

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

Brrr...for the last time! Keep your cold feet on your side of the bed!

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'