Bedtime Humor Appreciator Pillows

'This message contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, unintended recipients may not use, copy or disclose any portion of this transmission.'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"No. You turn over."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

"Read it again, Daddy!"

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

"Charley horse! Charley horse! Charley horse! Charleee!!"

"I slept funny!"

Menage a Paws.

'Almost done.'

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

'It's the most amazing case of rapid eye movement I've ever seen.'

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'