Bedtime Comedians Pillows

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

'... Same old excuse; 'Not tonight dear, I have a splitting headache.' Isn't it strange how I never get a headache?!'

'Not tonight, dear - we're married.'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

Bed Seasons

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

"Mind if I read a little?"

His and Hernia's towels.

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

Menage a Paws.

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

You're supposed to read him a bedtime story at HIS bedtime.

"I slept funny!"

'Almost done.'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"Is there room for me?"

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'