Bedtime Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Do you have any pull with the IRS?

"Do you remember how cold my feet were when I got into bed last night?"

Accounting Sheep.

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"No. You turn over."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

Bed Fellow

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'Gravity wins - again.'

"I slept funny!"

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

Menage a Paws.

"Charley horse! Charley horse! Charley horse! Charleee!!"

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

'My member requires some interest.'

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

The Trench-Sealer

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Brrr...for the last time! Keep your cold feet on your side of the bed!