Bedtime Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Do you have any pull with the IRS?

"Do you remember how cold my feet were when I got into bed last night?"

Accounting Sheep.

Bed Seasons

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"No. You turn over."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

Bed Fellow

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'Gravity wins - again.'

"I slept funny!"

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

Menage a Paws.

You're supposed to read him a bedtime story at HIS bedtime.

"Charley horse! Charley horse! Charley horse! Charleee!!"

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'Wake up! You're kissing the sheet again...'

The Trench-Sealer

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

'My member requires some interest.'

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'