Bedtime Humorist Pillows

'I must not sulk, I must not sulk, I must not sulk,' 'SHHH!'

'Do me a favour-stop saying 'Good night,don't let the bed bugs bite'!'

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

Today's highs will be around 65. Today's lows will be getting out of bed and the morning commute.

A doctor falling asleep at a patients bed.

'Another good thing about the empty nest, no more middle of the night surprises.'

Bra on sleeping husband.

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Bed Seasons

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"No. You turn over."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

Time management office worker

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'I say, it would be ever so nice if you could hand me my rubber ducky'.

Bed Fellow

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

'Almost done.'

"I slept funny!"

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

Menage a Paws.

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."