Storytime Jokester Pillows

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Fleas Navidad.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Bull Pen

Men dancing

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Parenting Skills Training

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Noah's Nark.

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Old woman who lives in a shoe with sick children.

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

C is for Cracker

''Open Sesame' would make a great password, wouldn't it?'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'