Storytime Jokers Pillows

'60,000 milligrams. . . 60,000? As a pharmacist, didn't you think that much Ambien might be a tad excessive for Mr.Van Winkle?'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"It's by A.I. Milne."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Birds steal sleeping girl's shoelaces.

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Grimm's Fairytales - Pee Wit; Luring Villagers into the Lake

'That's what I said,dear-your dinner's in the chippie..'

"Kayakers Fred! Let's surface next to them and check the look on their faces!"

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

How electric eels "welcome" door-to-door salesmen

Watch for Men Being Supid

"I took your advice."

How to avoid a heart attack.

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

The Gardener's Calendar: If your fish pool is covered with ice...make a hole in it.

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

'Nope! Wrong again! Let's try it again... around and around... now which cup is your nitroglycerin tablet under?'

"Mom, what season is it when the leaves fall off the trees and are replaced with plastic bags?"

'No cup holder?'

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

'You spent all day mashing a can of a hundred baked beans and drawing a little man on them to look like pennies?'

Have a CRAPPY New Year!

Seagull humour.

"Shaving your head takes the guesswork out of going bald."