Techie Talker Gifts

With the aid of a technical dictionary Colin was finally able to make sense of what the salesman was saying.

"This is Donald. Donald's a friend. Not a real friend-just a Facebook friend."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"We don't talk anymore."

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

'The stuka brought you.'

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

One-man band - One-man office

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

"What a disappointment. When you said your dad was a troll, I thought he'd be living under a bridge."

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

All day I design high tech communication devices...yet at a party I'm lost without name tags.

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"Oh, Johnny. I feel like I'm beginning to know you almost as well as Facebook does!"

Social media messages

"I am a control freak."

'You're insecure because your data is unsecured.'

"It's not you, it's me – I automatically updated overnight and we're no longer compatible."

"No, the computers are up. We're down."

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

Maybe Those Bots Can Be Used for Good

"I'm still very impressed by natural intelligence."

In my day, we had to walk five miles uphill in the snow for high speed Internet access.

'I just upgraded to high definition thoughts but there's still nothin' on ...'

'This new water cooler streamlines the gossip process - we get all the numbers and none of the fluff. The R.O.I. just sky rocketed!'

"Yes, you were supposed to put your address on the envelope."

"He had a close brush with fame when Scarlett Johansson's chatbot told him to go away."

'We're trying for a baby!'

"Don't feel bad. Even I don't understand me."

'A few years ago that wouldn't have even sounded like a sentence.'