Tech Talkers Gifts

Text message: You have lettuce in your teeth.

'And to my teenage grandchildren, I leave my unused phone minutes.'

"This app alerts me when I'm being selfish, unsocial or temperamental. I need to change my personality, because it alerts me every minute of the day."

'Is your mouth glad when you're asleep?'

"We don't talk anymore."

"Your cell phone isn't bugged by 'Pegasus'? You're not important enough. . . you loser!"

21st century water cooler conversations.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"My Blackberry will get in touch with your Blackberry."

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

All day I design high tech communication devices...yet at a party I'm lost without name tags.

"We couldn't connect. He kept spouting technobabble, and I, of course, kept coming back with psychobabble."

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Fancy Interfacing with you here.

"What a disappointment. When you said your dad was a troll, I thought he'd be living under a bridge."

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"Oh, Johnny. I feel like I'm beginning to know you almost as well as Facebook does!"

"I am a control freak."

"By using the accelerated graphics port with the m202 riser we can implement a data trawl without the 8ot network blah,blah cascading through the network..."

'You're insecure because your data is unsecured.'

"It's not you, it's me – I automatically updated overnight and we're no longer compatible."

"No, the computers are up. We're down."

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

Maybe Those Bots Can Be Used for Good

'This new water cooler streamlines the gossip process - we get all the numbers and none of the fluff. The R.O.I. just sky rocketed!'

'My Turing Machine doesn't understand me.'

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."