Techie Talker Pillows

With the aid of a technical dictionary Colin was finally able to make sense of what the salesman was saying.

"This is Donald. Donald's a friend. Not a real friend-just a Facebook friend."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"We don't talk anymore."

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

'The stuka brought you.'

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"What a disappointment. When you said your dad was a troll, I thought he'd be living under a bridge."

All day I design high tech communication devices...yet at a party I'm lost without name tags.

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

One-man band - One-man office

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"I am a control freak."

"Oh, Johnny. I feel like I'm beginning to know you almost as well as Facebook does!"

Social media messages

'You're insecure because your data is unsecured.'

"It's not you, it's me – I automatically updated overnight and we're no longer compatible."

"No, the computers are up. We're down."

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

'We're trying for a baby!'

"Yes, you were supposed to put your address on the envelope."

'I just upgraded to high definition thoughts but there's still nothin' on ...'

In my day, we had to walk five miles uphill in the snow for high speed Internet access.

"I'm still very impressed by natural intelligence."

'This new water cooler streamlines the gossip process - we get all the numbers and none of the fluff. The R.O.I. just sky rocketed!'

"Don't feel bad. Even I don't understand me."

"Baldo, did you finish your homework?"

"My computer doesn't understand me!"