Tech-savvy Relaxer Gifts

The iWash

"Even on vacation, thanks to drones, I can get to do a little part-time bombing."

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."

"Ahhh... close enough."

American Idle.

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

"You are still here."

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Ughh... I didn't sleep mode well last night... All my dreams buffered."

I'm just dying to try out this new Rorschach app! ?

End of world nigh!!!

"Do you know of any good empathy apps?"

'But I feel quite healthy.'

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

Lazy dog.

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

Please pardon the inconvenience while we remodel.

"Didn't I tell you to limber up before you started channel surfing?"

"How's the computer analysis going?"

His entire life was about balance.

Cat taking it easy after spending the previous 23 hours sleeping.

"This is a computer rage management class. Road rage management is next door."

'Yep, I'm alone.'

Virtual reality guru.

"It's nice to stop and smell the roses, but with your allergies, keep going and Google them."

'Just when you think you've reached the final awareness, they send another update.'

"Instead of chanting 'Aum' can I keep texting 'Good Morning?'"