Tech-savvy Relaxer Pillows

"Even on vacation, thanks to drones, I can get to do a little part-time bombing."

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."

"Ahhh... close enough."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"You are still here."

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

End of world nigh!!!

"Ughh... I didn't sleep mode well last night... All my dreams buffered."

"Do you know of any good empathy apps?"

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

Lazy dog.

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

Please pardon the inconvenience while we remodel.

His entire life was about balance.

"This is a computer rage management class. Road rage management is next door."

Cat taking it easy after spending the previous 23 hours sleeping.

"How's the computer analysis going?"

"Didn't I tell you to limber up before you started channel surfing?"

'Yep, I'm alone.'

Virtual reality guru.

"It's nice to stop and smell the roses, but with your allergies, keep going and Google them."

'Just when you think you've reached the final awareness, they send another update.'

"Instead of chanting 'Aum' can I keep texting 'Good Morning?'"

"Oops. My bad."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"I wish could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."