Tank Tamer Pillows

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"And this is my natural environment tank."

'Where's your goldfish?'

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Multi-tasking.

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"Just put that in my, 'I'll get to it when I can, I'm only human' pile."

Parenting Business Deals

New Swiss Army Knife

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Education Guidance

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"Most projects require three hands."

Overwhelmed by Paperwork

'Storm'

"It seems that your body is adjusting itself to the amount of multitasking you've been doing."

"I replaced my G.P.S with auto correct, and every time I try to go right, it makes me go write...."

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"