Talk Show Titan Pillows

'I don't get it. How can you say Leno is better than Letterman?'

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Has Oprah ever been married?'

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

"The real question is whether health care is a basic human right or a bona-fide commercial opportunity."

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Dr. Phil takes it home.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"