Sports Trivia Titan Pillows

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

Alternative fielding positions

Funky Facts: Football.

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

Footballer kicking his own brain.

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

It's academic

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

The Washington Arbitrators

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"I'm sorry but the correct answer is not 'I'm sorry if you feel offended.'"

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

"We're playing soccer, not football!"

'Things even God could not know - for $400, Alex.'

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'...You have a morbid fear of the ball.'

Throwing the syringe.

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

The Breakfast of Cheaters

'No doubt about it... serves are MUCH faster these days!'

"Just remember, if you give a hundred and ten per cent, I get twenty per cent of that."

'Extinct species' 'England Wimbledon Champ'

Pirate sitting in boxing ring, trainer talking to boxer: 'Watch out for his right hook.'

"I'll take 'Remembering things from more than 8 seconds ago' for $200, please."