Sports Trivia Champ Pillows

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

Funky Facts: Football.

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

'On the mathematics vaudeville circuit...' 'Fermat's last theorem - big deal! He only had two theorems!'

"But, if I don't peel off the entire label, the label wins."

'We may not agree on the stock market, but we're both Chicago fans.'

"A game similar to baseball was first played in the Olympics in 1996." I didn't think "Jeapardy!" had any softball questions.

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

"We're playing soccer, not football!"

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

Sometimes it takes me a little while to adjust!

Throwing the syringe.

"I'm working on a new way to lose a football game." "Never mind, I'm sure whatever it else, the Browns have already patented it."

'My mind's gone blank.'

"Once again, the answer is no."

Evolution of the cricket ball

"She disappeared somewhere between the World Series and the Super Bowl!"

An elephant's memory: not always too reliable.

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'

'See? Right there where the brain's supposed to be? Nothing but a head full of sports statistics.'

New inductees

"How come you can recall every goal that George Best ever scored, but you can never remember my birthday?!"

Final Answers

"I'm about to be substituted, can you check Ceefax to see if he's still manager"

"State bird?" "Eastern goldfinch!" "State flower?" "Purple violet!" "Ok! Go on!"

I hear Rupert Murdoch is bidding to buy the rights to the Ask Sadie Radio Program. Who cares? Well what if he changed the show? What if he forces you to become an angry, oversimplified, knee-jerk reactionary commentator? Birds of a feather. Squawk.

Defecting Cuban Baseball Players

Sports Reference Library - Who's on steroids: file, Who's not on steroids: file.