Talk-time Titan Pillows

'Every time you get ready to make a call, on your mobile phone, you reach for a comfortable chair. No wonder all that air time translates into large phone bills.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"National security adviser"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"Who called this meeting again?"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"Indeed - you're Mr. Gurkenman! After all the 200m meetings I remembered you much smaller!"

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels like text messaging?'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'You're texting? Wait--'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

'Oh, I HATE IT when he does that thing with his mouth...TALKING!'

The Communicator

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

Old man plays golf, supported by his caddy and paramedic.

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

The Woman Who Could Talk to Engineers...

'Welcome to the rat race.'

Explaining it on layman's terms

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

"Steve found it hard to express his feelings."

'This came in from somewhere. Could you send it somewhere else?'

It's important to know what to do when the communication technology doesn't work.

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

'Whose idea was it to teleconference our staff meetings?'

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.