Talent Agent Gifts

"Mostly Mozart, nothing. It's all Mozart or no Mozart."

'Look, Jake, I like you, but I can't be your best friend AND your agent.'

Hollywood Talent: 'Sorry, kid, but there's a dog in China who will bark 'Jingle bells' for a third what we pay you!'

"So that's it then? Just the one trick?"

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

"Well Sid, I'll tell you why dogs get all the good parts. Dogs have better agents."

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"It's your agent. Everyone wants a piece of you."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'That's the best hold music I've ever heard, I'd like to sign you up at once'

"I'm afraid you'll have to speak to my agent!"

Talent Agency: Here Today/Gone Tomorrow.

'I'm typecast!'

'Gents' toilet and an 'Agents' toilet

'Listen - if I can survive Antarctica, I can survive Hollywood.'

Actors' dispute.

'What do you mean I can't act?! I was in the touring company of 'Cats'!'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

Big Time Talent Agency: 'Sorry, boys- too doo-woppy.'

"We've invested heavily - If not always wisely - In talent."

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"He killed in rehab."

"Stop! He's my agent!"

"In terms of career guidance, access to A-list talent, and studio relationships, you couldn't sign with a better rehab clinic."

"A word to the wise - he's sick of 'La Bamba'."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"When my fifteen minutes of fame come, I want to make sure I capitalize on them."

"So, you were with original cast of Hair?"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

"I made a big mistake early in my career when I ate my agent."

"Transferring a call you... It's the triple threat that I told you about earlier."

"Pander to a lower common denominator."