Future Agent Gifts

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with..."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Henry the amazing talking dog.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

Meet Santa's entourage

Sid Sinatra.

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Say one Our Father Attenborough and three Hail Gretas."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. Sorry."

"People are always banging on about the advantages of 'so-called' diversity."

Charlotte Rampling

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"Er. . . anything else?"

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"You're looking at the next Bob Dylan."